week 5: the media fast

48% of FB users check their FB page when they wake up. 28% before they even get out of bed.

The first thing we tune our minds to when we get up is how many likes our last uploaded photo album got, or the ongoing newsfeed of to-be weddings, we-fis and witty comments. We want to know what people think of us.

I wouldn’t count myself a very active Facebook user. But in the week I decided to go off it, I really did feel its pull. It was almost natural to click on FB, Youtube, my blog, Pinterest, or Digg. We live in a world that longs to be connected.

Yet, my question is: does having access to everyone’s family photo albums, and the latest information on who’s dating who fill that void, that longing to be constantly with someone? Or do the 1.3 billion monthly active FB users simply tell us that we are hungry – for validation, for worth, for love?

To be honest, the week was quite refreshing. The first few days, I had to make a conscious effort, but the rest of the week (and even continuing onto the next week, which is why I haven’t been blogging much), my attention turned to other things.

I went to sing karaoke with my work colleagues. I hung out at the pool with my parents. I watched “The Dropbox” with a friend at his church.

When I did miss the media was when I wanted to watch a Housefires song my friend recommended to me, or learn Taylor Swift songs on the guitar, or listen to an inspiring TEDtalk. Because the media is not the enemy; it is useful when we choose what we fill our minds with from it. It only becomes harmful when we use it to suffocate our cry for the true Giver of what we are really seeking.

I was doing freestyle strokes in the pool one morning and meditating on Psalms 16:11.

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In thy Presence is fulness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.

It is in HIS Presence that we find the fulness of joy. Not in anyone else’s presence. We won’t find fulness in the presence of the 1,000 Facebook friends we have that only know us through the newsfeed of selected photos we post. We may find temporary joy, but that fulness of joy only comes when we spend time in His Presence.

[project shalom] week 5, day -1: media and leaving margin

It’s the day before I start my ‘media’ week (note that I took a week off, because I attempted the media one, but utterly failed when I defaulted to Facebook the first thing off of work and then proceeded to succumb to the pull of social media). So, I decided to write it down the day before, so that I can keep myself accountable.

A few things that have inspired me: a book on Mother Teresa’s writings had a portion on creating silence, Beth, the author from a newly-discovered DIY-barefoot blog who wrote about margins and crocheting, Tim Toh who told me about a silent retreat he went on during which he couldn’t talk to anyone but the resident priest, and of course Jesus, who always knew how to steal away from the noise to be with Father.

So, this will be the last you hear of me this week, as I swear off: Facebook, Pinterest, blogging, Digg (reading any blogs/news), my smartphone, Whatsapp, Wechat, and any other texting app. I will just be on email (for the bare minimum) and my dumbphone (that can only call/text).

My goal is to atune my ears to hear God. And sometimes, that means cutting off the existing noise that only plugs our ears.

In exchange for the noise, I pledge to fill it with the following:

1. Meaningful times with family and friends. Now that my parents are back, I will be spending more time with them, and hanging out with their friends. Besides, real people are always more fun than virtual.
2. Times of dedicated silence when I wake up and before I sleep. I want to rediscover the beauty of silence.
3. Reading paperback books, instead of online blogs. I think the tactile will be good for me.

So, that is all. I bid farewell until next Sunday when I shall report on my media-less state. Meanwhile, I hope nothing too important happens over Facebook.

[project shalom] stress: week 4, day 5

I call upon your name, you deliver me from harm, in the shadow of your wings, no fear comes. I turn to You alone, Jesus You’re my guiding light. In the presence of your love, I will abide.

– from ‘Refuge’ by New Creation Worship

I recently set up an email forwarding system from my Princeton account (which will soon be shut down!) to my personal gmail account. So, everyday I get about 200 emails that are forwarded from the recesses of my archives, and as I go through them, I am reminded of a particular season in my life.

The stressful weeks leading up to CLOSER, when I was juggling a thousand activities and classes while incessantly trying to send out recruiting emails. The occasional encouragement email which would brighten up my day. The late nights when I sent out panic emails to friends to ask for their help on a problem set. The weekend when I got desperately sick and had to send emails to my professors to ask for extensions.

You really get perspective when you go through a week’s worth of emails in the span of a few minutes. What seemed huge and insurmountable at the moment is now greatly insignificant. At every season in life, there is always to be something to be stressed out (then, it was endless p-sets and impossible schedules, now it’s real life problems like visas and money) – but also things to be grateful for. It really depends how you look at it. While you think it’s impossible, a little perspective will help you realize that if you wait it out, there will be a solution. Things will get worked out, p-sets get done, essays get written, visas get processed. 🙂

So, then the real question is how are we going to steward our emotions towards these circumstances? We are not responsible for what happens to us, but we are in control of what our reaction to these situations is. Will we worry non-stop about something we have absolutely no control over? Will we fill our minds with ‘what-ifs’ that never happen anyways? Or will we say, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble, therefore we will not fear”? Even though my eyes cannot see, I will step out of the boat. I will choose a reckless, inexplainable peace that surpasses all understanding. I may be going through the most crazy situation that doesn’t make any sense, but no one is making me stressed.

I choose it.

So, those are my thoughts about stress from the desk of Vivienne Tam 😉

[project shalom] stress: week 4, day 2

So, yesterday ended the week of kindness – a week of looking out for old uncles selling tissue paper, treating people to meals and giving up seats on the bus. I almost got taken advantage of, though, by an old Malay uncle who asked me to help support him as he walked down the staircase but was really only interested in holding onto my arm. I quickly got out of the sketchy situation. So, yes, kindness but also wisdom.

This week is a week to deny stress. There are many things that crowd our mind all the time. I haven’t even received my approved TEP application, which means I can’t go on with my visa application. It’s tempting to worry about that, as well as other relational issues (can someone say life partner? :P), but this week, I choose to go against the grain of culture that tells me I have to stress.

Instead, I choose to meditate on the words of Jesus:

Do not be anxious then, saying, “what shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we drink?’ or ‘with what shall we clothe ourselves?’ For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:31-34.

Anxiety is sin. And I know you won’t like me for this – but stress is sin. We choose what we fix our minds on. And He says to fix it on whatever is pure, holy and true.

This week, I commit myself to:

1. Meditating on one Scripture a day, and every time I am tempted to worry, I repeat that Scripture to myself.
2. Pray at all times. It could just be a simple, Jesus have mercy on me, prayer, but being intentional about always being in the Spirit. When I pray, I can’t worry.

[project shalom] dispassion week 3, day 1

Last week was supposed to be the week against dispassion. By this, I mean not walking past people, but having the eyes to see people the way Jesus does. By this, I mean being moved by the things that moves God’s hearts, and fighting against the numbness that paralyzes us (look at the faces of rush hour traffic at the MRT stations and you’ll know what I mean). By this, I mean actually caring.

Unfortunately, I only managed to meet one old man who was limping in the station who graciously allowed me to pray for his leg in my very-broken Chinese. The rest of the week, I was in Desaru at the breakthrough weekend and my whole project shalom went out of the window. But, I resolved to start again this week. So, here we go: the week of no dispassion.

One sermon that my good friend, Katherine, recommended to me talks about the art of loving well, even the people on the streets who are hurting (by Jenn Johnson, I have attached it below). I love how she talks about with such joy and simplicity. We make it so complicated and worry about how we are seen, but when we are like a child and lose ourself, we are free to love. And we pray that the Lord would grow us in love.

So, yesterday, at Bugis MRT, an old man selling tissue papers caught my eye. In Singapore, there are no beggars, only people selling tissue papers. The man was holding a sign saying that he had high blood pressure and cholesterol. I bought some tissue papers from him, and asked for his name. He spoke Cantonese (which I didn’t), so I believe (?) his name is Cheng. In my broken Mandarin, I told him I believed God would heal him. Little encounters sowing seeds of faith. That was my adventure today 🙂

[project shalom] week 2, day 5: Syria and the Gaza hostages

International News:

I am just starting to learn about the conflict in Syria. BBC gives a good summary of it here.  It is a civil war of rebel forces against the Assad-run government, while both are trying to defend themselves against ISIS. Simply put, the people want more democracy and freedom, but Assad is ruling with an iron hand. He refuses to step down and is further releasing chemical weapons on him. In the meantime, more than 3 million people have fled, making it the largest refugee movement in recent history. The Syrian kids are bearing the brunt of the conflict. They are not going to school, but either are working in refugee camps or employed as suicide bombers. The world does not know what to do, and has largely turned away from this intractable conflict. We need to pray for an end to the violence, but also the protection of the innocent.

Middle East News:

Meanwhile, in Gaza, tensions have risen with the recent hostage situation. Read this quick background of the conflict to familiarize yourself with the history of the conflict. 2 Israeli citizens, one of whom was accused of walking into Palestinian coastal territory last September, were recently taken captive by Hamas, the ruling terrorist group in the Gaza strip. Rescuing hostages is an especially touchy situation for Israel, considering how Gilad Shalit, a soldier held hostage for five years, was rescued with the over-exorbitant price of 1,000 Palestinian soldiers, many of whom had executed deadly attacks against many Israelis.

We also need to pray for wisdom among the world leaders gathered in Vienna for the Iranian nuclear deal talks. A good graphic summarizing the points of negotiation can be found here. Iran has been pushing for the complete lift of all U.N. sanctions, arguing that their nuclear program is peaceful. There are doubts, however, as Iran has been enriching ore to 20%, while civilian nuclear plants only enrich ore to 5%. Israel fears for its existence as Iran, with its nuclear power, could and would wipe Israel off the map. The Western powers are moving towards lifting the sanctions for now and enforcing them if Iran does not comply, but the issue still remains of whether we would be able to monitor the nuclear program closely enough to prevent a nuclear disaster from occurring.

Persecuted Christians:

A suicide bomber, pretending to be a worshipper, killed 5 Christians at the Redeemed Christians Church of God in Yobe state, Nigeria. This is only one of the many attacks in the ongoing persecution carried out by the Boko Haram militant Islamic terrorist group.

The Open Doors staff in Nigeria asks for prayers for the situation surrounding the Jos bombings: “Please pray that the situation will not get out of hand. Some Muslims who are pointing the finger for the attack at Christians have tried to attack at least one church, but soldiers intervened.”

[project shalom] week 2, day 1: ignorance

So, onto the next week of the project 🙂 This week, I’m going to be tackling ignorance. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to change about myself for a while, but never had the impetus until now. Now that the Orange Bubble has been broken, and living in the “real world”, I will actually have to be informed. I also think that in order to be concerned and praying about the world, we should know what is going on (and not just pray vague prayers, like God Bless America).

I commit myself to 3 things per day:

1. To read 1 piece of general international news.
2. To read 1 article on news in the Middle East.
3. To read and pray for persecuted Christians in the world.

Today, I have these pieces of news to share:

International News

6 world powers are in the midst of negotiations in Vienna with Iran concerning its nuclear weapons. America would support an agreement provided that there were effective constraints on Iran’s nuclear program. They would then lift the sanctions. President Netanyahu is afraid that this deal will “pave Iran’s way to produce the cores of many atomic bombs and it was also flood Iran with hundreds of millions of dollars that will serve in its aggression and its mission of terror in the region and the world.”

Middle East

In order to capture the government held parts of the northeastern city of Hasaka, Syria, ISIS has carried out one of the worst massacres, killing at least 145 civilians.

The Persecuted Church

Christian persecution is at an all-time high. The 2014 Annual Report of Religious and Human Persecution in China revealed that there was a 300% increase in religious persecution last year. In the Middle East, ISIS in Iraq and Syria as well as the terrorist group, al-Shabaab have openly declared that they will rid the lands of Christians.

12 Christian refugees from Libya were thrown overboard and drowned by Muslims extremists (May 2015) but there was no public outrage on it. 

Boko Haram, a militant Islamist group in Nigeria, has been launching suicide bomb attacks in various Nigerian villages.

[project shalom] week 1, day 7

A short update to close off this week of anti-laziness. The past few days, I haven’t been super regular with the whole waking up at 6a.m. deal. I was forced to do it when I had to meet Yang Fei early to make it to SGH, but the Saturday after, woke up at 8a.m. and managed to squeeze in a 2 hour afternoon nap. But yesterday, I swam at an outdoor pool for an hour. It’s been a while since I did laps, and it took perseverance to keep on going until I reached 20. I think to kick laziness, the key is being able to focus on the long-term rewards despite the short-term pain. And to do small things, that will eventually add up.

I think also, I’m learning how the physical is closely tied to the spiritual. Many keys to good physical discipline – like focusing on a goal, small increments to that realistic goal, and not giving up – tie over to spiritual health. You may not see the improvement right away, and that’s why it requires faith to believe that the sacrifices you are making now will pay off in the end. I believe getting into this regular rhythm was a good way to start off the path to wholeness and I plan on keeping the habit!

[Project Shalom] Week 1, Day 3: a soldier without entanglement

Cultivating a good habit is like running a race. You start off with a burst of energy, full of motivation, but the real test comes after that initial burst has died down and you grit your teeth to persevere through. That’s why people say running is all mental, because at a certain point, it’s all about how your mental strength can envision the long-term rewards and value that benefit over the short-term pain. Habits are the same way.

So, actually, the time factor is actually helping me. I know we shy away from containing God in a box or to a mere 70 minutes. But when the regularity is in place, it establishes the structure in which God can move. Often, we have these broad, vague goals of “be more healthy” but it’s these goals that peter into non-existence before a week is over. Being intentional means making small, concrete goals that are achievable and being truthful on the inward parts means that when you say you will, you actually mean it. that’s been convicting.

I’m working through the daily devotional that my Singapore home church, Covenant Evangelical, gave to us. On the introduction page, it says:

God is looking for devoted disciples who flee from clamour, hurry and crowds, and cultivate the habit of abiding in God’s Word, delighting in God’s will and walking in God’s way.

This is what Project Shalom is about – being a disciple who flees from the clamour to cultivate the habit of abiding.  1 Timothy 2:4 says, “no soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of daily life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier”. I remember what the IDF soldier said about going from a bar with his girlfriend to the heat of battle in Ramallah in one night. Even when you are performing the affairs of daily life, you are always are of the alternate reality of which you are a part of. You can never fully immerse yourself in the culture because at any time, you must be ready to let go and be called into service.

In the culture that screams at me that my time is my own, I fight back against the current and fight to create that sacred space. Not entangling myself in the affair of daily life, but staying alert in the spirit, praying that God would open my eyes to the people around me. I flee from the clamour, hurry and crowds, and pray that God would make me into a disciple who abides in His Word.

[Project Shalom] Week 1, Day 1: the impetus and waking up

Shalom peace, or more accurately translated in Hebrew, wholeness. In Israel, people greet each other with the word ‘Shalom’ as they meet and as they leave, wishing the other wholeness in every way – physically, emotionally, spiritually. So, what is wholeness, and more importantly, am I whole?

I thought this would be an appropriate question to ask during a transition period. These in-between times are like the inflection points of a curve (for those of you who need a refresher on calculus, it’s the point at which the 2nd derivative changes from positive to negative, or where the curve changes from a smiley to a sad face). During them, we reflect on the past “curve” and see if that is where we would like to be headed. If not, we make a change and do something different. An inflection point is where we determine direction – the sign of our second derivative.

So, to answer the posed question, and also to get direction, I have been doing a lot of reading. By that, I mean any spare time I have is spent holed up in a library with a 20-book worth stack beside me as I leaf through the pages and scribble down any notes (the consequence of not having a Singapore ID and thus not being able to borrow books).

One book that has especially impacted me is “7: the Experimental Mutiny Against Excess” by Jen Hatmaker. The self-documented narrative traces the journey of one woman’s rebellion against the consumeristic excess of modern American culture. It is based off of the concept of 7 as a whole number in the Bible and thus by getting rid of the 7 ‘excesses’, one a month, she strives to be whole. The book is a candid, hilarious journey of letting go of the author’s soul ties to food, clothes, possessions, media, stress, spending, and waste. Though the letting go part was not easy, she learnt the value of the simple life and realized that we can actually live with a lot less than what we currently have.

Needless to say, I was inspired. I live with too much, and have picked up the bad habits of believing I am entitled to all of it. Yet, it was when I was in China, living on 2 T-shirts a month without connection to the outside world, did I feel most free and alive. So, during the 2 months I am here in Singapore, in commemoration of this transition period and in preparation for the next period in my life, I have decided to embark on Project Shalom – a 7-week journey to wholeness by eliminating unhealthy excesses and paring down to the simple life.

The seven excesses that I have chosen that are pertinent to me are: food, media, ignorance, dispassion, chemicals, laziness and stress. I will be documenting my journey here – firstly to hold me accountable to my commitments, and secondly, to encourage anyone who would like to try a similar thing.

This week, I will begin with laziness. I am the first to confess that I often put my comfort above the need for wholeness and have bought into this societal idea that somehow, waking up at 7:00a.m. is an atrocity to humanity and exercising everyday is only for those who want to run marathons. Perhaps they are just excuses to assuage our fears that we are being lazy. The Bible is clear, however:

How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and your poverty will come in like a vagabond, and your need like an armed man – Proverbs 6:9-11

So, this week, I choose to exchange my laziness for physical and spiritual health. I commit to 2 things:

• Waking up at 6:00a.m. this week (because realistically, none of this will happen if I’m not doing it in the morning)
• 70 minutes of “no-laziness” every morning – this will include both exercise physically and spiritually. I can choose how to divide the time, but it has to add up to 70.

This morning, my alarm went off at 6, but I confess that the first thought in my head was that the sweat-drenched run I went on in the Botanic Gardens yesterday must count for something, and I rolled over in bed, only to wake up at 6:30. But all is not lost, and I did complete 20 min of pilates-type exercise, and the 50 min of devotionals. It is always an uphill battle getting my schedule established, but it was a good start to the week of defeating laziness.