my singleness manifesto

sising

if I was single and free, I would be – like how it is now. rain rushing through the wind of my barefoot feet touching dirt, cares left behind in the dust below the pattering of my light feet. done with the childish days of old, spent staying up at night with fantasies of boys like the ones in every Olsen twin paperback, because who ever spent nights staying up dreaming of the single life. but if only I knew, I would have spent my 9-year-old nights laid out in my bunk-bed dreaming of when I would explore back-trails to find half-alive monarch butterflies on pavement, spend silent Saturdays in factory-turned-coffeehouses, laughing wordlessly with friends that share affogatos and endangered words. Of moving house when I feel like it, racing down a road on a scooter because I want to,  and adopting a dog without anyone to stop me.

I think singleness is the best thing that has ever happened to me, because I would never have known who I really was, if I was with someone that told me all the time (not that it isn’t nice to hear sweet-nothings whispered in your ear of how beautiful you are), someone that told me what kind of dress I should wear out, or when I have to skype with them, or why I can’t travel to Korea on my own because I’m a girl. I would not have known what it is to carry suitcases on my own, or to pay for my own gourmet dinner. I would not have known the feeling of curling up with popcorn in a movie theater surrounded by strangers watching “Finding Dory” in Chinese, or spending days on days on days with girlfriends with no one complaining of being neglected. To dye my hair with streaks of red and not worry of what anyone else will say. To hold my own in the tennis court against guys who hit hard. To learn what it is to be brave and strong and free.

I think that every woman needs a blossoming time – a space where she can look at a desirable man without desire, and feel like she owns the world.

I think singleness is the best thing that has ever happened to me, not that I was ever not single, but it seemed that somewhere between sophomore and junior year of college, singleness happened to me and at family gatherings, the inevitable question made its way into every conversation: you have a boyfriend? I learnt to reply boldly and proudly that no I don’t, then proceed to talk about the many other areas of my life that make me a perfectly whole, and happy individual. No, I don’t need a boy to make me happy. And in fact, I believe that it is in independence that I learn to be comfortably and truly and healthily dependent.

if I was single and free, I would savor every last minute, enjoy every lingering moment. I would dance the night away, drink wine from Jerusalem over a game of Scrabble, live like I’m fully alive. so, to all my single girlfriends out there, I ask you the same question:

what would you do if you were single and free?

now, go do it.

The price of being single | ideas.ted.com

Bella DePaulo, now in her sixties, has always been single. For some time, she thought the marriage bug would bite her, until she realized it wouldn’t—and she didn’t want it to. DePaulo, who describes herself as “single at heart,” relishes the lifestyle. What she doesn’t love is the prejudice that single people face, from cultural stigma to discrimination at work, in the media and elsewhere. That’s why the Harvard-trained social scientist (now a project scientist at UCSB) has spent nearly two decades researching single life in America, publishing her findings in scholarly journals, in books including Singled Out, and on blogs. She explains why the pervasive negative stereotypes about single people are largely unsubstantiated, while the anecdotal prejudice is real — and so ingrained we often hardly see it.

Source: The price of being single | ideas.ted.com